How to Stop Thinking...

10:18 AM

Was chatting to a friend (Aileen) this morning and the book The Power of Now came up. Living in the present and calming the Thought Monkeys is one of Eckhart Tolle's main themes, and after I finished chatting I re-read some of it.

He suggests a useful experiment.

Close your eyes and say to yourself: 'I wonder what my next thought is going to be?' Then become very alert and wait for the next thought. Be like a cat watching a mouse hole. What thought is going to come out of the mouse hole?

It can take quite a long time for the next thought to stick its thinky nose out of the hole. While you're waiting, you have that rare thing - a quiet mind!

03:11 PM

Been shopping. I usually hate shopping, but I'm finding even that can be pleasant if you shift perspective.

Instead of thinking: I don't want to be here... I don't want to be doing this... I can't wait for this tedious time to pass so I can get back to a state of Not Shopping...

I accepted the fact that I was in a shop. I was shopping, and that was fine. There were interesting things to look at; interesting people to watch doing the strange things people do; a chance to play cars with the shopping trolley...

It was OK.

Shenpa

06:49 AM

My wife Rose wanted me to do something yesterday - strim the grass and nettles at the base of the garden hedge. We have a very long garden, so it's a time-consuming job.

I didn't particularly want to do it, so I put it off for a while. I was happy doing what I was doing.

When she asked me for the second time, I felt a tightening inside. Irritation. The urge to say something snappy. I didn't, and I strimmed like a good boy should, but the situation and my reaction to it reminded me of something Pema Chodron writes about: Shenpa.

As usual with these Zen concepts, I didn't fully understand what she meant by it until sometime later - but I think I've got it now. Chodron writes:

If I were translating shenpa it would be very hard to find a word, but I'm going to give you a few. One word might be hooked. How we get hooked... shenpa is the itch and it's the urge to scratch. So, urge is another word. The urge to smoke that cigarette, the urge to overeat, the urge to have one more drink, or whatever it is where your addiction is.

She also gives an example of Shenpa in action:

Somebody says a mean word to you and then something in you tightens— that's the shenpa. Then it starts to spiral into low self-esteem, or blaming them, or anger at them, denigrating yourself. And maybe if you have strong addictions, you just go right for your addiction to cover over the bad feeling that arose when that person said that mean word to you. This is a mean word that gets you, hooks you. Another mean word may not affect you but we're talking about where it touches that sore place— that's a shenpa. Someone criticizes you—they criticize your work, they criticize your appearance, they criticize your child— and, shenpa: almost co-arising.

I often see this happening in other people, but it can be harder to see it in yourself. When you do see/feel it - when you get that tightening, that urge to strike back (and the strike can be something as simple as a sigh or a weary look in the eye) - you have a momentary chance to stand back from the Shenpa. A chance to stop the process before it starts rolling.

If it does start rolling, odds are you're in for an argument, or for several hours of simmering, unspoken, mutual resentment.

Personally, I'd rather strim the hedge.

Thought Monkeys & Obedient Dogs

01:08 PM

Walked my dog this morning and noticed something interesting.

I've been working on Not Thinking - on stopping the constant flow of thoughts that almost all of us spend our waking time paying attention to - and one of the best times to do that is during my walk with Kate. She's a wilful little bugger and likes to do what she wants, regardless of my instructions. For example, when we get back to the car she often refuses to jump in. If I wait long enough she will, but sometimes I'm in a rush so I pick her up, dump her in the back and close the door on her.

Today, however, she got in with no fuss at all. In fact, her behaviour was excellent throughout the walk - and these past few days it's generally been much better than usual.

I'm wondering if that's because my state of mind is different and she's picking up on something in me. A calmer, more measured Ravenscroft.

Interesting.

Regarding Not Thinking, I've been reading some of Eckhart Tolle's stuff on the process (or perhaps on the lack of process).

He's a bit New Age for my tastes, but a lot of what he says fits in with my own thinking. (Ha! See how hard it is to avoid doing it?)

Tolle says:

'Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don’t realize this because almost everybody is suffering from it, so it is considered normal. This incessant mental noise prevents you from finding that realm of inner stillness...'

Exactly.

And if Kate's behaviour is anything to go by, when my thought monkeys are quiet, I have more natural authority... at least as far as dogs are concerned.

Another Early Start

04:15 AM

Up early (very!) to get some work done because Rose and I have arranged to drive to Billingborough to meet some friends this afternoon.

08:35 AM

Got the work done and delivered (isn't email a wonderful thing?) and am feeling disgustingly virtuous - if slightly knackered. Now I can concentrate on the important stuff: getting clean, getting dressed, getting some more coffee.

Making the Most Of It

08:30 AM

So, yesterday's question remains unanswered.

"Since death alone is certain and the time of death uncertain, what should I do?"

I suppose the obvious answer is: live as fully as possible...

I'm 55. I may have another 40 years ahead of me, or I might not see the sun come up tomorrow - so while I have this utterly weird thing called life, I guess I ought to make the most of it.
But how do I do that? How do I make the most of my life?
Chew on that for a while, Ravenscroft.

09:18 AM

A few top-of-the-head things that obviously do NOT equate to 'making the most of it...'

• buying as many objects as possible, then buying some more
• becoming famous
• having as much sex as possible (and then, if not too sore, having some more)
• having (and enjoying) power over other people
• being over-concerned about weight, facial features, general physical appearance
• being over-concerned about the opinions other people may have of you
• being mentally crippled NOW by memories of past experiences
• being mentally crippled NOW by worries relating to possible future experiences

01:42 PM

Any of the above could be blog posts in their own right (and I expect some of them will be at some point in the future) - but the final two on that list are most vivid to me at the moment.

For the past few days I've been making a conscious effort to become fully aware of the present: not the present day, hour, minute or even second... but the present instant. Now. The moment just before I hit the key that will type a full stop at the end of this sentence.

There it was. Gone now. I'm in another present instant, and as I write those words, that instant too is in the past. Gone.

Spending as much time (whatever that is!) in the present moment is the key to something that I'm only now beginning to explore. As I think I said in a previous post, this blog is one of the tools I'm using to explore that something. Whatever it is, I can sense that it's very powerful and it's going to alter the way I see things and the way I relate to other people.

Quite exciting, really.

02:01 PM - And here are the Anton's Gowt Pics Rose took yesterday.

What Should I Do?

08:58 AM

Been re-reading Stephen Batchelor's book Buddhism Without Beliefs.

Keep coming back to one line that he suggests as a possible consideration during meditation:

"Since death alone is certain and the time of death uncertain, what should I do?"

That's one hell of a question.

What I should do right now is make another cup of coffee and post this entry - but I think I'll be giving this more consideration later today.


06:23 PM


It became too hot and sunny to ponder such things - so we took the dog for a walk by the river instead. Anton's Gowt. Sounds like a rather disgusting disease, but in fact it's a very pretty place. Rose took her camera, so no doubt there will be pics to follow.


Plenty of time for Death tomorrow, I expect.

I'm Right - And You're Wrong!

12:14 PM

During my walk with Kate the Dog this morning, I heard a couple having a heated argument. They were in the RSPB bird hide beside the path that leads around the lagoon, but they were loud enough and angry enough for me to catch some of their words as I plodded by. The woman kept saying to the man: 'You're wrong. You're wrong - and you know you're wrong. Why can you never admit that?'

It set me thinking about the times I've known I was wrong about something, but I've refused to acknowledge the fact. Of course, these situations usually crop up within emotionally-charged relationships, and the ones I can most clearly call to mind all come from my closest relationship - the one I have with my wife.

When you're in the middle of an emotion-based argument and your brain tells you: shit, she has a pretty good point there... - what is it that clenches its little fists, puffs up its chest, and goes into attack mode? What is it that refuses to back down, refuses to say: Yes, you're right. I'm sorry... ?

Why do we find it so hard to do that?

It seems to me we all have a self-created (well, partly self-created, partly created by the World and everything we've experienced in it) little boy or little girl sitting in the centre of our brain - and also in our guts - that will do almost anything to avoid admitting fault. To avoid being wrong. To avoid having to change.

One of the reasons I'm writing this blog is because I actually want to change: I know that an awful lot of change is required. And tapping out these words helps me find pathways into the messed-up complexity of my own Little Boy.

I shall track down all the places where he's got it wrong, and I shall show him what he needs to be shown.

I have a feeling he might put up a bit of a fight - but I'm bigger than him.

So he'd better start assembling his defences.

01:56 PM

I'm delighted to say my Thought Monkey Pic seems to be doing its job. Whenever that constant stream of internal chatter starts up - whether it's a remembered conversation, a snippet of a TV jingle, or worries about the lump I've found in my left testicle (nothing huge, but I've made an appointment with the doc) - I just mentally call up my Thought Monkey Pic and say Hush, Monkey a few times. Crazy, but it works.