During my walk with Kate the Dog this morning, I heard a couple having a heated argument. They were in the RSPB bird hide beside the path that leads around the lagoon, but they were loud enough and angry enough for me to catch some of their words as I plodded by. The woman kept saying to the man: 'You're wrong. You're wrong - and you know you're wrong. Why can you never admit that?'
It set me thinking about the times I've known I was wrong about something, but I've refused to acknowledge the fact. Of course, these situations usually crop up within emotionally-charged relationships, and the ones I can most clearly call to mind all come from my closest relationship - the one I have with my wife.
When you're in the middle of an emotion-based argument and your brain tells you: shit, she has a pretty good point there... - what is it that clenches its little fists, puffs up its chest, and goes into attack mode? What is it that refuses to back down, refuses to say: Yes, you're right. I'm sorry... ?
Why do we find it so hard to do that?
It seems to me we all have a self-created (well, partly self-created, partly created by the World and everything we've experienced in it) little boy or little girl sitting in the centre of our brain - and also in our guts - that will do almost anything to avoid admitting fault. To avoid being wrong. To avoid having to change.
One of the reasons I'm writing this blog is because I actually want to change: I know that an awful lot of change is required. And tapping out these words helps me find pathways into the messed-up complexity of my own Little Boy.
I shall track down all the places where he's got it wrong, and I shall show him what he needs to be shown.
I have a feeling he might put up a bit of a fight - but I'm bigger than him.
So he'd better start assembling his defences.
01:56 PM
I'm delighted to say my Thought Monkey Pic seems to be doing its job. Whenever that constant stream of internal chatter starts up - whether it's a remembered conversation, a snippet of a TV jingle, or worries about the lump I've found in my left testicle (nothing huge, but I've made an appointment with the doc) - I just mentally call up my Thought Monkey Pic and say Hush, Monkey a few times. Crazy, but it works.
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Another great post, John! Will have to send the link to Nige!!
ReplyDeleteHa! Thanks, Jo.
ReplyDeleteAh. I can completely relate to this. In arguments with my ex-husband, he would make a good point and I didn't want to admit that I was wrong. In the heat of the moment, you don't want to back down - YOU WANT TO WIN. ;-)
ReplyDeleteExactly, Mel. But what usually happens is just an escalation of the argument. The other person gets even more angry because you won't admit the obvious - and the more you feel backed into a corner, the hotter your own anger burns.
ReplyDeleteIt's insane.
Nice, John. I can certainly relate to this. My wife is almost always wrong.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling my wife may have a comment or two up her sleeve, Brad. Got a flak jacket?
ReplyDeleteJust thought I'd come by to say hi to your monkey who seems to be getting very neglected of late.
ReplyDeleteHe's learning to shut up, Merc. Shut up, and sleep.
ReplyDeleteActually, I have a whole tribe of them in my head now - one for each thought. Couple of days ago I had a really annoying song about a cat going round and round on a mental loop - The Cat Came Back, The Very Next Day - and it wouldn't stop. So I pictured a monkey holding a cat and told it to go to sleep. I know that sounds slightly crazy - but it worked.
Mental peace. What more could a boy want?